I’m Jealous Of My Friends’ Marriages

Salam Zawiya, 

I am the last of my friends to get married. My best friends are either engaged or married and have cute little babies. I am really happy for them and wouldn’t wish them any harm., but every time I attend to a bridal or baby shower I can’t help but feel bitter and jealous. It’s like an emptiness that never goes away.I always thought that I would be married first, before all of my friends, to be honest. Now I am the last of them and feel really unwanted. How do I deal with these feelings!

-Distressed 

Dear Distressed,

Ukhti, I want to tell you a story of a girl that I know personally and hopefully it will give you a glimmer of hope to this situation of yours.

I had a good career and nice house that I bought for myself. I would go on shopping sprees and buy the best brand of clothing. I would go out to eat at the best restaurants. I was living the dream  I had everything that I could have ever wanted.

But something was still missing. I was a woman in her early thirties and I was single. I had no husband and  wished to have a child to share my life with.They and my family members all scolded me for waiting to get married for this long. But I didn’t feel like I should just marry a person because everyone else was married. I was going to wait for the right person to come along.

All of the people I grew up with were married with children. They seemed so happy and content, whereas I felt empty and spent most of my nights depressed watching movie after movie; longing for my other half.

As I wallowed in despair, little by little I saw change all around in the the lives of my friends. Some were having marital troubles and were threatening each other  with divorce. Others were starting to wish they hadn’t gotten married and stayed in school. A lot of them became housewives and envied the career, success, and free time that I enjoyed daily. Some have even said that I reminded them of their youth!

Soon I realized that not being married and being patient was a blessing in disguise. All this time I was wishing to be like them and now I realized that I am the one who was better off. I gained  a new perspective of the situation that I was in and immediately felt content with whatever Allah blessed me with. I knew Allah had a better plan for me.

Sure enough, at the age of 34 years I was married to my charming husband who was the same age as me. I had a baby girl (Selma),the year after. Alhamdulilah, everything worked out so well and my patience paid  off. As for the sisters that I knew, a few of  them ended up getting a divorce and are now single mothers. A lot of them said that they were too young when they married and wish they had the wisdom that they now have. The ones who would tease me for getting married so old now wish they waited and didn’t rush to get married. 

Ukhti, I hope you can now see , after reading this story, that getting married after everyone else is not as bad as you think. Indeed Allah has a better plan for you. My advice to you would be to continue to wait and know that Allah has the best in store for you.

I leave you with the following Ayaat  to ponder,  for they will ease your heart and  increase your patience.

patience clamity

good and bad

allahs plans

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Proposal Series

Nothing is more exciting for a muslimah than getting proposed to.

It’s every little girls dream is to get married to the person of their dreams. Have beautiful children and live happily ever after, and a man proposing to you is the one step closer to those dreams.

Marriage is great but like all worth while things, you must come across endless hurdles.

In this series I wish to share the stories of the guys that have proposed to me some of which are very bizzare. Everything from a Quran teacher who also happens to be a 35 year old divorcee to many others

Stay tuned for my real life proposal stories.


I will continue my Q and A from my readers. So please email your relationship questions to askzawiya@gmail.com.

Help, I’m marrying a married guy!

Salam Zawiya, 

I have a huge problem. I have been talking to a man for about 6 months and he is a really nice person.  He is planning on marrying me in a few weeks but I just found the most amazing thing. 

He is married. When I first started talking to him I never asked if he was ever married. I know that he was a bit older but he said that he was engaged a while ago but it didn’t work out with that girl. I never had a reason to doubt him since he always focused his attention to me. 

So one day as I was going through Facebook I saw a picture of him with a 2 year old boy and in the comments below his friends were saying “wow he grew so much, your such a great father”. Another comment below said “how is the wifey doing?”. 

When I read this I was shocked beyond belief. “Subhanallah how in the world did I not know about this?”

My wedding is in a few months and I have the dress, the wedding hall, and the bridesmaids ready, He is such a great guy but I don’t want to be his 2nd wife. What do I do?

-the other woman

First ukhti, I want to tell you that this is a difficult situation to be in. Your husband to be is doing you wrong and you shouldn’t have to deal with this. It’s also good that you found this out before you got married to him and started having children.

It’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to be his second wife, because islamically there is nothing wrong with that. But you should judge this person by his character.

The fact that he hid this from you shows that his honesty is questionable. He was not willing to tell you about a major part of his life. Who knows what else he is hiding. My advice to you would be to really contemplate whether or not you would really like to be married to a man who hid his wife and kid from you.

Also if he is doing this to his current wife what makes you think he won’t do that to you.

Wish you the best in this world and the next!

Much love,

Zawiya

Saying Goodbye To My Blog

I wasn’t patient and decided to end the blog, but as I have learned blogging takes patience!

There are loyal readers out there and I had a lot of interesting and dare I say mindblowing relationship questions sent to me. I will post them as soon as I can.


Hello, for the last time. I have decided to end this blog because no one seems interested in it. I had a good intention to help others out but there are literally no readers out there. Maybe in the future I will start a blog about something else. But until then I will have to find other ways to help the ummah. I think the site title may have put some people off. I mean “dating” isn’t the best way to describe an islamic relationship. So I bid you farewell. Thank you to those who have taken the time to read what I wrote here.

What is dating in Islam?

Salam Akhawaat (sisters, for those who don’t know arabic)!

Just to get started I wanted to know what my fellow muslimat think about dating in general?

We all have our own definition of what dating is.

We all have a different perspective!

This is a great time to share how we personally define dating.

Keep in mind there is no one right answer.

Please vote using the poll below and comment so we can get this discussion started!

If the poll doesn’t have your definition of dating be sure to leave a comment on how you define dating!

Salam Alaykum, Muslimahs!

Are you tired of getting dating advice from non-muslim websites?

Are you sick and tired of being confused about “dating” and what it means from a muslimah’s perspective?

Do you just wish there was a muslim sister out there who could give you the real advice you need?!

Well you have come to the right place!

Welcome to my blog, I will try to cover all aspects of relationships we muslimahs go through.

Be sure to add any topics you would like for me to cover in this blog.

 

Much love,

Zawiya