I am the last of my friends to get married. My best friends are either engaged or married and have cute little babies. I am really happy for them and wouldn’t wish them any harm., but every time I attend to a bridal or baby shower I can’t help but feel bitter and jealous. It’s like an emptiness that never goes away.I always thought that I would be married first, before all of my friends, to be honest. Now I am the last of them and feel really unwanted. How do I deal with these feelings!
Ukhti, I want to tell you a story of a girl that I know personally and hopefully it will give you a glimmer of hope to this situation of yours.
I had a good career and nice house that I bought for myself. I would go on shopping sprees and buy the best brand of clothing. I would go out to eat at the best restaurants. I was living the dream I had everything that I could have ever wanted.
But something was still missing. I was a woman in her early thirties and I was single. I had no husband and wished to have a child to share my life with.They and my family members all scolded me for waiting to get married for this long. But I didn’t feel like I should just marry a person because everyone else was married. I was going to wait for the right person to come along.
All of the people I grew up with were married with children. They seemed so happy and content, whereas I felt empty and spent most of my nights depressed watching movie after movie; longing for my other half.
As I wallowed in despair, little by little I saw change all around in the the lives of my friends. Some were having marital troubles and were threatening each other with divorce. Others were starting to wish they hadn’t gotten married and stayed in school. A lot of them became housewives and envied the career, success, and free time that I enjoyed daily. Some have even said that I reminded them of their youth!
Soon I realized that not being married and being patient was a blessing in disguise. All this time I was wishing to be like them and now I realized that I am the one who was better off. I gained a new perspective of the situation that I was in and immediately felt content with whatever Allah blessed me with. I knew Allah had a better plan for me.
Sure enough, at the age of 34 years I was married to my charming husband who was the same age as me. I had a baby girl (Selma),the year after. Alhamdulilah, everything worked out so well and my patience paid off. As for the sisters that I knew, a few of them ended up getting a divorce and are now single mothers. A lot of them said that they were too young when they married and wish they had the wisdom that they now have. The ones who would tease me for getting married so old now wish they waited and didn’t rush to get married.
Ukhti, I hope you can now see , after reading this story, that getting married after everyone else is not as bad as you think. Indeed Allah has a better plan for you. My advice to you would be to continue to wait and know that Allah has the best in store for you.
I leave you with the following Ayaat to ponder, for they will ease your heart and increase your patience.